Grieving Process
by just-another-fan-account
Summary: Tenten is trying to deal with the loss of her long-time comrade, Neji. How will she cope with the five stages of grief?


**It's been a while for me, uploading here. Sorry for that.** **I have been writing short stories for my followers on Instagram, and this one is longer than most, so I wanted to share it with you all here as well.**

* * *

 _"_ _Because death is the only thing that could have kept him from you"_

 _—_ _Ally Carter_

* * *

 _It's not true. I don't believe it. He can't just be_ gone, _not after everything we've been through together._

These were the thoughts running through Mitashi Tenten's mind as she stood amongst her friends one wet, rainy day. The day they had the funeral for the genius of Konohagakure, Hyuuga Neji. She stood next to her comrade, Rock Lee and their sensei Might Gai, both heartbroken and sobbing as they faced the grave, Neji's beautiful face in a photograph sitting beside it.

Tenten tipped her head back, eyes open against the rain droplets falling against her skin. She opened her mouth and let a few drops land on her tongue, relishing the cool numbness in granted her. She didn't understand why everyone was so sad. _He's not gone._ She thought to herself. _I'm going to wake up tomorrow and he'll be there, waiting for me at the training grounds for our daily session._

Her head dropped and she once again let her gaze fall onto the picture of her comrade, sitting next to the gravestone that declared to the world that 'Hyuuga Neji' rested there. She felt numb. Both her heart and her body. She knew she was supposed to be feeling something—everyone else sure was—but she kept telling herself, over and over, that Neji couldn't be dead. He was a prodigy. And prodigies don't die easily. So Tenten stood there, beside her comrades and her friends who were grieving over the loss of their beloved friend, while she kept thinking to herself what kind of training they would do the next day. Would he help her with her target training first before they practised the new move he was creating? Or would they talk again for an hour before remembering they were supposed to be training? She smiled at the memory. Half the time their conversations turned to arguments as both had very different opinionated views about certain subjects. But the arguments were always in good humour and the two shinobi enjoyed them thoroughly—although neither would admit that out loud.

Tenten smiled to herself as she thought of one such memory. They had been arguing about which ramen was the best—curtesy of Naruto taking their team out for lunch the previous week to Ichiraku Ramen—and it resulted in a sparring match when Tenten threw a kunai at Neji after he—for the umpteenth time—declared that Miso soup was the best. That sparring much ended with Neji winning, as usual, but afterwards the couple found themselves walking towards Ichiraku to find out for certain just which dish was better. And of course, Tenten had to grudgingly agree that Neji was right—although she didn't actually tell him that. She made sure to keep to her original argument that her soup was better.

The ceremony ended and straight away Tenten was surrounded by her friends, reaching out for a hug as they looked at her with sorrowful eyes.

"How are you going Tenten?" It was Haruno Sakura that asked the question, the mournful look on her face indicating that she was ready to cry with Tenten if need be.

"I'm fine." Tenten replied, her numb body unable to feel anything as she gazed into her friends' eyes.

"Are you sure?" Her blonde haired friend, Yamanaka Ino probed, her arms stretching out to hold the brunette by the shoulders. "Because we're here for you if you need us."

Cocking her head to one side, Tenten eyed her worried friends and attempted to give them a reassuring smile. "I'm fine girls, really. Why wouldn't I be? I'll see him tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" Sakura questioned, her eyebrows furrowing in confusion. "Are you going to his grave again tomorrow?"

Tenten almost laughed at the ridiculousness of that question. "Of course not. I'll see him for training in the morning. Now I really need to go, I have to make sure my weapons are all ready for our session tomorrow." Tenten walked away before the two girls could get another word out, dodging Lee and Gai as they came towards her. She couldn't stay here any longer, not with all these sad people around her while she was trying so hard to stay optimistic.

 _He's not dead._ She reminded herself. _I'll see him tomorrow and we'll laugh at how silly everyone has been._

The retreating girl didn't hear her friends' conversation as they watched her flee the scene, worried even more.

"She's lost it." Ino stated, her wide eyes turning towards Sakura. "She's completely lost her marbles."

Sakura chewed on her bottom lip, a frown still on her features. "Maybe it's just her way of grieving?" She said it as if it were a question. She felt pitiful—she was a medical ninja and could heal any manner of physical injury—but fixing a broken heart was something she feared she could not do. "Come on, let's go see Hinata. I think Naruto has finished talking to her now."

The duo walked towards Neji's younger cousin, Hyuuga Hinata, their hearts heavy with grief as they went to console yet another friend.

* * *

 **Thunk**

 _Stupid Neji!_

 **Thunk, thunk.**

 _Stupid freaking Hyuuga! I hate you! I swear I hate you so much!_

 **Thunk thunk thunk.**

The weapons mistress scowled at her training posts, cursing Neji in her head as she threw her kunai at the targets with all her might. She wanted to imagine the targets were his stupid, gorgeous face but she didn't have the heart—even when all she wanted to do was wring his neck.

"Why did you have to die?" She asked aloud, hurling another kunai at the stump. "You stupid liar! You promised me that—you _promised_ me! How could you!" As she went to get another weapon from her pouch, Tenten, in her anger, cut herself on the kunai as she pulled it out. "Ouch!" She swore and brought her finger up to look at it, noting the blood that was dripping onto the dry ground beneath her. "Stupid kunai! Now you're betraying me too!" She glared at the intimate object before turning around and propelling it blindly into the distance.

"Hey, watch out!" Rock Lee walked into her view, his eyes wide with shock. "That almost hit me Tenten."

Turning her back on her comrade, Tenten let out a deep sigh before once again reaching into her pouch for a weapon, only to realize she had run out. "What are you complaining for?" She snapped. "Consider it training."

Lee didn't laugh as he normally would have, and that's when Tenten knew something was wrong. His concerned, almost alarmed expression was her other clue. "Tenten," he started, walking towards her slowly with his arms held up in front of him—as if she was some kind of fearful or frightened animal. "I am worried about you. We are _all_ worried about you."

The weapons mistress folded her arms across her chest defensively and started tapping her foot against the ground. "Why are you worried? I'm perfectly fine."

Lee shook his head sadly, a troubled expression taking over his features as he regarded her. "You are _not_ fine. It has been a month and you are not grieving Neji's loss properly. Are you even eating properly? We hardly saw you for the first two weeks after his funeral and now all you do is train. You need to talk to someone about how you are feeling."

"How I'm feeling?" Tenten repeated, her eyes suddenly turning to stone as the anger inside her snapped. "How I'm _feeling?_ I'll tell you how I'm feeling! I am _furious_ at Neji right now. He left us. He left _me!_ And after he promised me— did you know we were—?"

"Yes, I knew." Lee said before she could finish her sentence. His eyes full of regret for his teammate.

"Then don't you understand _why_ I'm angry?" She yelled, her face growing hot in her anger. "He lied to me! He lied to me and he left me and now I'm stuck here in a world without him and I am so furious I could kill someone!"

"He did not leave you Tenten. Not on purpose."

Tenten shook her head fiercely at her comrade. "He _did_ leave me!" She screamed.

Lee tried to hold out placating hands but she sent him such a violent glare that he backed up a couple of steps. "He was protecting Hinata. You would have done the same."

"No I wouldn't have. To hell with Hinata! Why is she so damned important anyway? I wish she had died instead of him!" She was crying now, hot tears streaming down her face as she shrieked at her friend.

"You do not mean that." Lee spoke, sadness tinging his voice. He had never tried to comfort a grieving friend before and he didn't know what to do. He was grieving himself—he didn't feel comfortable trying to help her when he himself was still trying to process it all.

"Yes I do! I wish Hinata would have died instead! Then Neji would still be here and we would be together!" Tenten's voice cracked with a broken sob and she buried her face in her hands, unable to deal with all the feelings swirling inside of her. She didn't mean it, not really. Tenten would never truly mean those words and she felt awful for uttering them. But it made her feel a little better, blaming Neji's death on someone.

"Tenten," Lee made to walk towards his comrade, arms held out as if to wrap her in a hug.

"Go away." She mumbled through her hands, unable to look up at him as she continued to cry— big, heaving sobs that wracked her body. When Lee went to take another step forward Tenten whipped her head up, her eyes full of painful fury. "I said, _go away!_ " She screamed so loudly her throat burned for hours afterwards. She continued to glare at her friend until he gave her a long, miserable nod before backing away, leaving her once again alone in the field.

Tenten collapsed onto the ground, her legs unable to support her as her sobs became louder and harder. "I hate you Neji." She muttered, her face pressed against the ground as she wept. "I hate you so much."

* * *

Laying in her bed one evening, Tenten tried to ignore the tears rolling down her cheeks. It had been three months now since Neji had left her and she still wasn't coping with his death. She had tried to visit her friends—and they had visited her more than a few times to make sure she was looking after herself—but that didn't seem to be helping her.

"Please God, if you're out there, please bring him back." She uttered, her eyes on the ceiling above her. She had never pleaded for anything in her life but she did so now. She _needed_ to do something. "Please, I'll do whatever you want. Just… Just give him back to me."

Her tears came harder and she groaned, her heart breaking in her chest. She hadn't thought it possible for her heart to break any more, but every time she thought about him—about his stupid destiny, his graceful movements, his soothing voice, his beautiful smile—her heart would shatter a little more.

Tenten snivelled, burrowing her head into her pillow to muffle her cries. _Take me instead._ She bargained. _I don't care what you do to me. Kill me, maim me, destroy me. Just give him back. Take me instead. Even if I'm not alive to be with him, I just want Neji to live._

She continued to plead for his life, telling God everything she would do if only she could be with Neji again. Eventually, for the umpteenth night in a row, Tenten finally drifted off to a restless sleep, her pillow once again soaked with her tears.

* * *

Her house was a mess. She hadn't cleaned in weeks—about the same time she decided to hole herself in her apartment, refusing to see anybody. She lived off instant microwavable meals, and when they had run out she just stopped eating. It had been three days now since her last meal.

Tenten lay on the couch, surrounded by discarded food dishes and clothes. She hadn't showered for a whole week—not since what happened last time. She had remembered something she and Neji had talked about a couple of months before the war broke out. Tenten had found herself curled into a ball under the steaming water— a wet, sobbing mess on the floor of the shower. She refused to go through that again and so had decided to stay away from the bathroom altogether.

It was almost the end of the day when she heard the knock at her door. She decided to ignore it—just as she had ignored all of the other twenty-seven house calls during the past month. This knocking didn't stop, however, and soon a bellowing voice accompanied the noise.

"Tenten, Tenten open up!" Her sensei, Gai shouted from the other side of the door. "I know you're in there!"

Tenten stayed silent, thinking he would go away after a while if she refused to answer. Besides, she wasn't in the mood for visitors. Along with her un-showered state and empty stomach, she looked horrendous. Her hair was a matted mess down her back and her face was red and blotchy, her eyes in a seemingly constant swollen state since she had been crying for so long.

"If she isn't going to open this door then I'll have to do it myself." Tenten heard her sensei muttering. If she had been in her right mind, Tenten would have been alarmed at those words. But as it was, she just sunk deeper into the couch, trying to drown out the sounds of life filtering in from outside as she held back another bout of oncoming tears.

"Dynamic entry!" All of a sudden, the door flew off its hinges, shattering against the wall directly behind her head. Tenten jumped up in alarm but immediately became dizzy and she wobbled, losing her balance and falling back onto the couch.

Gai rolled into the house casually, his hands expertly manoeuvring his wheelchair as he took in the state of the house. "Tenten, what on earth have you been doing? This place looks atrocious— _What is that?"_ He yelled, his eyes landing on the depressed girl in front of him.

Tenten managed an eye roll but was unable to smile at her teacher's surprise. "It's me Gai-sensei."

Gai rolled over to her, his eyes wide as he gave her hair and face a long look. "You have really let yourself go Tenten. Have you been training?" He asked, stopping a few feet in front of her. He would have made it to her side but there was a mountain of debris blocking his path.

Tenten rolled onto her stomach, unable to look at her sensei in the eyes. "I don't feel like training." She mumbled into tear stained pillow.

She heard a sigh from his side of the room and knew the look he would be sending her. Full of pity and disappointment. "Have you at least been eating properly?" He probed. A shuffling noise as his wheelchair moved around in a circle before another sigh escaped his lips. "No, it doesn't look like it. Tenten, you must eat properly or you will lose all of your strength. What would Neji think if he saw you like this?"

"I don't care." She replied, her voice cracking as tears once again flooded into her eyes. She blinked, trying to hold them at bay. Shuffling so that her hands were pressed together in front of her, she twisted the ring that sat snugly on her finger, something she had started doing a lot recently.

"I don't believe that." Gai countered, his voice gentle. "I believe you care very much what Neji would think of your state right now. You know that we are all worried about you."

A thought popped into her head and she looked up from the couch, finding her sensei through her watery eyes. "I've let everyone down, haven't I, sensei?" She questioned miserably.

Gai tried to roll closer to her but his wheel snagged on a piece of clothing. He looked at her, his eyes soft and a small, reassuring smile touched his lips. "No. You haven't let anyone down Tenten. We all know how hard this has been for you."

The tears that she had tried to hold back fell from her eyes, staining her already dirty clothes. "It's been hard on _everyone!"_ She wailed.

"But for you especially." His eyes glanced down at the ring she was subconsciously twisting around her finger. "When did you get it?" He asked softly.

Tenten made herself stop touching the ring and she held up her hand to stare at the diamond encrusted band on her left ring finger. She sniffled and wiped a hand across her eyes, clearing her throat before speaking. "Hinata dropped it around last week and slid it under the door with a note. She said she found it while she and her sister were going through his room at the Hyuuga estate." Tenten couldn't stop the sob from ripping through her body and she leant forward, burying her head in her hands.

"It's a beautiful ring." Gai commented, still speaking softly.

"Thank you." She sniffed, once again wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. She took a deep breath to calm herself and then looked back at her sensei. "He told me that after the war ended he was going to propose to me. We had already been dating for almost a year, and we were both ready for the next step." The tears came again and she let out a loud moan, wondering if there would ever come a time when she would not cry whenever she thought of her late boyfriend.

"Come here." Gai held up his arms invitingly and she leapt off the couch, crawling into her sensei's lap as she began to weep against his shoulder. Gai's arms came around her to hold her steady and he shushed her as she blubbered incoherently in his arms.

Gai stroked her matted hair back from her face, running his fingers through her strands to try and give it some sort of semblance. "I think it's about time you pick yourself up, don't you Tenten?" He asked as he swayed her lightly from side to side.

Tenten inhaled deeply, calming her ragged breaths. "I know." She whispered in reply.

"First things first though," Gai continued, bringing a hand up to pinch his nose between his fingers. "You are in a desperate need of a shower."

For the first time since Neji's death, a smile broke out on her face and she held her sensei tighter, silently thanking him for being there for her.

* * *

Tenten stood in front of her mirror, concentrating as she finished putting her hair up into their usual buns. When she was finished, she gave herself a once over before walking to her bed and picking up her wallet, tucking it snugly away in her weapons pouch.

She made her way through the busy streets of Konohagakure, heading towards the restaurant where she was meeting the girls. Tenten quickened her steps, knowing she was already late for their appointment.

"Tenten, there you are! We thought you forgot." A smiling Sakura stood up to greet her as she walked into the restaurant, spotting the group of girls sitting in the back corner booth.

"Sorry, I kind of did forget." The weapons mistress replied sheepishly, giving Sakura a hug. The rest of the girls stood up as well and Tenten did the rounds, giving each a hug before they all sat down again.

"It's good to see you out and about today." Ino stated happily after swallowing a bite, already starting on the meal in front of them.

"How are you feeling?" Hinata's soft voice asked, her eyes looking with concern at her friend.

Tenten still felt guilty every time she saw her lavender eyed friend. Hinata was also grieving Neji's loss but she had handled it so much better than her, even coming to visit when Tenten refused to see anybody.

The brunette absentmindedly twisted the engagement ring on her finger, smiling at her friend. "It's still a struggle but I'm getting there. I'm just taking each day as it comes."

"You know you can always talk to us whenever you feel like it." Hinata replied sincerely.

Tenten reached across the booth to grab her friend's hands, her heart filling with gratitude for the beautiful girls in front of her. "Thank you Hinata. I know."

Ino lounged back in her chair, letting out a deep sigh. "I can't believe it's already been a year and a half since the war." She declared. _Since his death_ is what she didn't say, but the meaning was clear enough.

Yes, a year and a half later, Tenten was still struggling to cope. Some days she was perfectly fine, able to go about her daily duties without breaking down. Other days, though, the brunette wasn't even able to get of bed she was so depressed. Sometimes, during her training or even times like now while she was meeting up with her friends, Tenten would suddenly start crying, her tears pouring out involuntarily at the thought of him.

It was a struggle, each and every day, but Tenten was slowly getting on with her life. She still felt Neji's loss right to the deepest parts of her heart but at least she could breathe now and not constantly feel like she was drowning in her sorrow. She accepted his death, yes, but she would never fully be over it.

All she could do was keep pushing on, each and every day. And hopefully one day—if she was very, very lucky—she might be able to be happy once more, even without her beloved by her side.

* * *

 **A follower of mine commented about the five stages of grief, and so I decided I wanted to do that for my favourite couple. I wanted to capture, not only the feelings of love and loss she has for Neji, but also her feelings of friendship she has with the others in the story. I hope, it came across alright.**

 **As always, rates (and especially reviews) are much loved!**

 **Thanks for reading!**


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